Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
