I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
