I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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