I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
