The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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