I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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