Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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