He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
