just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
