Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
