More tranny stories later!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
