Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
