There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
