Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
