I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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