Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
