i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
