Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
