literally had 100 drinks last night.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
