we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
