It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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