at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
