i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
