who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
