I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
