Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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