I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
