Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
