dude i'm inner monologue high
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
