Banned from zoo.
Again?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
