i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
