even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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