i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
