Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
