Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
