So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
