I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
