I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
