I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
