the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
