you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
