she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
