The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
