Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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