Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
