if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
