Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
