Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
