can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
