if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
