RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
